Today was meant to be a day of rest for me. A day off after so so so much intensity for so so so long. I did not even get out of my dressing gown when a woman from my meditation group came to share a little time with me and help me connect with her outside of meditation. It felt like a gift and a time of grace. While she was here she helped me know her a little by sharing about the gifts she had brought to the world during her work life and the disease which she has struggled with since childhood. The thought of offering healing came up and I discarded it. That is a very one up way to begin a friendship and I am just not going to behave that way any more. I could not help but see her energy rise and fall and go through changes as we visited but I did not mention it. She has been healing herself valiantly and with significant grace. At one point the thought “you just have to know which screw to turn” drifted through my mind.
After she left I got dressed and went to the Village for yet another bad restaurant meal. I am not domestic by nature and when I am this tired I am not even opening the fridge. I had a long chat about spirituality with a sweet neighbour on the way home. Something was shifting for him too. Eventually I said I have to go. I need a nap. I slept deeply. Somewhere in all of that I began to wonder when and why I started worrying if I would have enough money to live on. I have somehow always tied money to men and corporate power…..as if I needed both in order to survive.
I woke from my deep deep sleep under crashing waves of joy and happiness. Very deeply I knew that my friend who had visited was completely completely healed…….just by visiting. I did not need to get dressed. I did not need to perform. I could just sit and enjoy being with her and a miracle had happened. And before me stretched a vision of a life where I did not need men or money or corporate success. Where I never had to worry about money again because there would always be enough and where I never had to eat another bad restaurant meal. Blogging this is a leap of faith. Someone is doing a brochure for me…maybe he needs to see this?