Today I spent some of the happiest hours of my life. I found with distaste that I was wearing a cheap dress chosen for me by a man who did not respect me. But somehow it just did not matter. I had let go. I had a solitary lunch at BeLove where I will not be able to afford to eat again I feel sure. It was not only delicious and beautiful but it was very nutritious and just to my taste. The service was excellent. The restaurant uncrowded.

And then I walked to Beacon Hill Park. My knee hurt. It has been hurting for several weeks. I have not been able to hike. Except sometimes mysteriously it doesn’t hurt at all. Energy is like that. I said to myself finally I have time to heal my own knee. I am not healing others today. I stopped often to pray. Then I felt suddenly very tired. I lay down on a park bench. The trees above were so rich and strong and the sky was limitless and mobile with beautiful white clouds and I was happy. Peaceful. Resting. And I thought to myself “what if this park bench became my bed at night? what if I did not have a condo or any of its trappings? what if every day stretched before me like this day? open with time to pray whenever I wanted to. often. and then I wondered about life in a monastery. it would be so safe. everything would be provided. I am still wondering about that.

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