Author: EGHealer

I am not a follower of other teachers. However somehow I registered for and showed up at a Weekend of Inquiry with Gangaji. She has been teaching for decades. People who began to follow her 20 years ago were in attendance. One person had travelled from Geneva to Victoria to attend. Many were from out of town. There were 50 of us. On the first day of the retreat I was deep in suffering. I had been unable to terminate a friendship that became a healing relationship that became a relentless crossing of my clearly stated boundaries. There was a sense of threat in the energy I was receiving sometimes and no communication in the physical realm. I am very much against relationships on a psychic level that are not respectful of one another’s personal power and boundaries. As I wondered and wondered how to terminate this relationship where we had shared so much love Gangaji spoke of her teacher Papaji. His total instruction to her was one word: STOP. One did not have to know how. Just STOP. And later her teaching that if we wanted freedom we had to be willing to die. We had to give up all ideas of life after death. We had to just be willing to die. And also to give up using all of our extraordinary powers and live and die like every other ordinary person.
As I walked in the sunshine after lunch Gangaji contacted me over the psychic connection with instructions to raise my hand and be one of the people to sit with her and receive instruction. But when the moment came and she looked directly at me I could not. Instead over the ensuing hour all of the healing energy and all of the teachings that I needed tumbled towards and through me. In my group healings many people say to me “that was me you were reading” as if the entire experience were between me and that person only. I have just enjoyed that experience and learned how much it means. I also enjoyed the deepening and healing that happens when Gangaji enters the room or meditates and I know this is what my students and followers experience as well. How very lovely to be on the receiving end!
A final note…..laughter! This teacher is full of laughter! May I sit at her feet and learn!!

Sometimes it is just impossible to create permanent healing for someone. And then you just let go forever. It is a hard lesson for a healer to learn and I have struggled and struggled with it. I am still struggling. What are the conditions that prevent a person’s inner healer from being activated? Why does dependency happen instead of healing? Why do people fall in love with their healer? And what does a healer do when that happens? A very insightful man who has seen my healings in progress observes that in order to heal I match the other person’s light frequency code and then change myself. That I am creating a very deep trust to faciltate healing by getting so engaged with the other person that there is no sense of other. So this resistance to healing becomes my resistance to healing. This is now my addiction to falling in love instead of healing which is being healed here. My tendency toward dependency in healing relationships with people of the opposite gender. My confusion between healing love and romantic love. So now I understand. It is when the differences become clearly highlighted in the healer between healer’s love (loving kindness and the channelling of Divine love) and romantic love that there is a triggering of the client’s inner healer so that the therapeutic relationship has an end point.

Truth is not an absolute. So when someone says to you “that is the absolute truth” that just means it is their truth from their experience. So what I blogged about Healing through Experience is my truth. But there was reciprocity in the healings as there always is in healings. And perhaps their truth is that they both gave me their power in exchange for their lives. Both of them were life saving healings for them. And I experienced very personal lessons in boundaries and respect from both experiences that are invaluable to me. And here I sit surrounded by respect and gratitude and love and well being and leisure and so on. I hope my sharing my healing path helps to heal others and move them through the stages of awareness, anger, truth telling, self awareness and forgiveness. Then it can seem as if all the pain was a dream……it loses its substance. These are the steps to reconciliation and forgiveness. Please remember that forgiveness is a process with these steps rather than an event.

Although there is no regulatory body or ethics ombudsman for an intuitive healer my clients are all aware that I will never disclose their identity or their personal information. It is held prayerfully in a very safe container. Prominent public figures with distinguished lineages are so held by the energy of Divine love which I channel that their trust in me never wavers although through the years there are interruptions and sometimes even discord in our relationships. They are aware that I am a very truthful person, that their healing is very much intertwined with mine, and that I share my healing path publicly for the benefit of others. There is often no financial compensation for me in what turns out to be deeply reciprocal healings. My gratitude is directed to God for that is where healing comes from. So that is one face of gratitude…….the face of prayer.

I sat here tonight and (seeing in symbols as I do) I saw that I was on top of the heap. Which led to the question “the heap” of what? And I realized very deeply that it is gratitude. Something stops some people from thanking me in person or writing a testimonial for healings that have saved their lives, their marriages and their reputations but thoughts have tremendous power in all of our lives. I would like their money, their thanks and their testimonials. Thoughts and feelings of gratitude feel very very wonderful to the recipient. But they change. Thoughts and energy are in a loop and when one changes so does the other. And our energy fields change and move and gratitude is forgotten. But reliability and confidentiality and ethics and channelling of love and forgiveness are also forgotten by others but not by me. And if there is not an equal exchange of value on an ongoing basis the entire healing is lost! So my most sincere prayer is that all of us will always express our gratitude to one another in ways that have value to the other person in the physical realm.

Let me continue very prayerfully here. There are other faces of gratitude which are equally if not more valuable to me. The love and care of community who are often expressing their gratitude to the Divine as we support one another! The expression of faith and trust in one another is an expression of gratitude. And I have always said that gratitude is an energy that puts wings under our feet. So that light and awesome feeling that accompanies gratitude is also a face of gratitude. And I think that the experience of good health and a pain free body is a total reflection of all that gratitude that is being directed towards me this evening. I am learning deep lessons in the true faces of gratitude. I think it may be that the deepest face of gratitude is a never before experienced level of trust. Still learning.

Today I spent some of the happiest hours of my life. I found with distaste that I was wearing a cheap dress chosen for me by a man who did not respect me. But somehow it just did not matter. I had let go. I had a solitary lunch at BeLove where I will not be able to afford to eat again I feel sure. It was not only delicious and beautiful but it was very nutritious and just to my taste. The service was excellent. The restaurant uncrowded.

And then I walked to Beacon Hill Park. My knee hurt. It has been hurting for several weeks. I have not been able to hike. Except sometimes mysteriously it doesn’t hurt at all. Energy is like that. I said to myself finally I have time to heal my own knee. I am not healing others today. I stopped often to pray. Then I felt suddenly very tired. I lay down on a park bench. The trees above were so rich and strong and the sky was limitless and mobile with beautiful white clouds and I was happy. Peaceful. Resting. And I thought to myself “what if this park bench became my bed at night? what if I did not have a condo or any of its trappings? what if every day stretched before me like this day? open with time to pray whenever I wanted to. often. and then I wondered about life in a monastery. it would be so safe. everything would be provided. I am still wondering about that.

Today was meant to be a day of rest for me. A day off after so so so much intensity for so so so long. I did not even get out of my dressing gown when a woman from my meditation group came to share a little time with me and help me connect with her outside of meditation. It felt like a gift and a time of grace. While she was here she helped me know her a little by sharing about the gifts she had brought to the world during her work life and the disease which she has struggled with since childhood. The thought of offering healing came up and I discarded it. That is a very one up way to begin a friendship and I am just not going to behave that way any more. I could not help but see her energy rise and fall and go through changes as we visited but I did not mention it. She has been healing herself valiantly and with significant grace. At one point the thought “you just have to know which screw to turn” drifted through my mind.
After she left I got dressed and went to the Village for yet another bad restaurant meal. I am not domestic by nature and when I am this tired I am not even opening the fridge. I had a long chat about spirituality with a sweet neighbour on the way home. Something was shifting for him too. Eventually I said I have to go. I need a nap. I slept deeply. Somewhere in all of that I began to wonder when and why I started worrying if I would have enough money to live on. I have somehow always tied money to men and corporate power…..as if I needed both in order to survive.
I woke from my deep deep sleep under crashing waves of joy and happiness. Very deeply I knew that my friend who had visited was completely completely healed…….just by visiting. I did not need to get dressed. I did not need to perform. I could just sit and enjoy being with her and a miracle had happened. And before me stretched a vision of a life where I did not need men or money or corporate success. Where I never had to worry about money again because there would always be enough and where I never had to eat another bad restaurant meal. Blogging this is a leap of faith. Someone is doing a brochure for me…maybe he needs to see this?

I have been debating with myself whether I wanted to write next about the way fantasy creates reality or whether I wanted to write about the power of our thoughts. And then I suddenly realized it is the same subject! Thoughts are tremendously powerful. There is a Divine Matrix that connects us all and thoughts travel across it and impact the person we are thinking about. We are exhorted to guard our thoughts for a very good reason. We are shaping the experience of the person we are thinking about. Thoughts and energy form a loop. What is done with one affects the other. People who are caught in a loop of thoughts that run their lives turn to me for an energy healing to cut across that and enable change. As conscientious people we need to recognize that if we always think of someone as in some way deficient we are creating or at least enabling that in their lives. So everyone should undertake some training such as I have had the benefit of in my years as a Buddhist which trains the mind into pathways of patience and loving kindness and compassion. This has a very different result than thoughts of pity and fantasies about how another person must be suffering. The whole mindset is different. Loving kindness and compassion are underwritten by respect and appreciation. Pity and fantasies about suffering are underwritten by a belief that that person is in some way less than we are. We are projecting our judgements onto them instead of healing the pain we are feeling.
There are two kinds of fantasies. One is worry which is using fantasy to create something you do not want. The other is pleasurable and empowering fantasy which is using the power of thought to create positive change in your life. The mind does not know the difference between fantasy and experience so I encourage everyone to use positive fantasies to improve their experience in this world.

As a healer I have had periods when I struggled with trusting the flow of abundance. My extremely wealthy friend would just shake his head. It is all around you! he would say. What are you doing to stop it? So when the bank balance shrunk and the bills were coming in I would get tighter and tighter in my energy and start strategizing about making money and then be conflicted because I was healing from a place of love…..and this felt like greed! Measuring how much I could expect to be paid after considering someone’s finances and meanwhile the bank balance shrinking and shrinking. It seems to happen to me in waves. So I have a line of credit because I never want to get focused on the pennies and nickels and quarters because I KNOW FOR SURE that is a trap that is very difficult to get out of.
Anyway today I was checking on someone who learned how to stand in the flow of Divine love from me. And I saw what the flow of Divine love above him being manipulated and arranged. What he learned from me was that if you are in the flow of Divine love you have to do something with it all the time to benefit yourself or someone else. Whereas if I am under it my presence heals and it is actually full up with all kinds of abundance. But you have to learn to receive!!! It is a bountiful and generous Universe. I feel like I just pulled the stopper that my wealthy friend knew I was using but could not figure out how. This stuff is learned in childhood and in your family. We had a diametrically opposed childhood experience. I was taught to be good and love and serve. He learned very young that if he wanted to survive he had to be a renegade. I hope every healer has the benefit of love from this kind of person. It is very balancing!!

This morning on the ferry I was blessed. Someone sat beside me and said “do you go to church?” And warily I said |”I have”. So then I said I’d sort of rather be in the forest. Why did you ask me that? So he said I was reading the Bible this morning and I wanted to talk about it. The energy of a man who owned his own stuff and would not try to lay it on me was all around him. So I said “Here I am. Go” So he read this passage off his phone and I noticed he got lighter as he read it! There was a lot in it. And I took the opportunity to put some of it in my own words. It was from the book of James. 18 verses. We talked a bit about the need to get centred in the flow of Divine love. We talked about his wife and baby and parental leave ending. We talked about my baby who died at one year of age. And my experience in a step family where none of the kids or cats got along and there were four of each. This was a guy who knew how to connect. A man who had been so hurt in the workplace that he was giving up his career, he talked with me about forgiveness. I explained that forgiveness is a process and not an event and not to sugar coat stuff that happened. To sink into his pain and not to come up for air until something changes. To feel the betrayal and the hatred and the fear until something changes. What we do not heal will repeat in our lives until we heal ourselves. I am 68. Things that have been repeating all through my lineage before and after me are healed today. Finally my family and I can all forgive ourselves and move on. And the cycle can stop. Before you can forgive anyone else you have to forgive yourself. Before you can set others free you must own your own freedom. Please heal yourself. When you have a breakthrough real healing flashes all through the web of your lineage and the little ones are free. Thanks be to God. Anyway this wonderful man who loves his Bible and his Church and his wife and his baby and his parents on Saltspring where he was going to spend the day said “can I pray for you?” With some people the answer would be NO. But with him it was a decisive yes and I surrendered as he put his arm around me and prayed and I felt that channel of Divine love open all around me. And you know what? That was 12 hours ago. It’s still there!!!